Doctor Doctor, gimme the news!

It’s been quite a while since I’ve blogged, nearly 11 months to be exact, but it’s something that I want to get back in the habit of doing since it hits a creative itch that needs to be scratched from time to time. So, I figured that now would be a good time to get back into it, especially since I’ve got some personal news to share.

On Monday morning Feb 28^th I’m having surgery on my spine. I’m scared and anxious, but I desperately need this surgery to hopefully return to a pain-free life. I’ve never had surgery before, but I’ve completely run out of options and it’s now necessary to try to get back to the old me, both physically and mentally.

So, what happened? Well, I’m not quite sure exactly. I know what my diagnosis is (Herniated disc in the L4/L5 region causing spinal stenosis) but I really have no idea what caused it. What I do know is that I really began experiencing moderate pain that would eventually turn severe in my back/left leg sometime in May 2021. I just “dealt with it” until July of 2021 when upon walking to work on the Atlantic City boardwalk one morning I realized that my left foot was numb. This is when I finally decided, way too late I must add, I must seek medical attention for whatever was going on.

First, they made me try oral steroids and then physical therapy, which resulted in me ending up in urgent care unable to put any weight on either of my legs. At urgent care, I was given an X-ray, which would enable me to get an MRI quicker from my family doctor. After my MRI (the photo above), I could understand the results enough to know it wasn’t good. Friends and family I know who are doctors basically told me that it was just a matter of “when” not “if” I would eventually need surgery, but I still held out some hope that this wouldn’t be the case.

After following up with an orthopedic doctor, I was told that doing physical therapy alone wouldn’t solve my issue and that my next steps are to meet with a doctor who could give me a steroid epidural injection and a spine surgeon to get the ball rolling in case the injection didn’t work. I made an appointment for a steroid injection, and still held out hope that it would, at the very least, buy me more time (and give me some relief).

The injection was an interesting experience. They injected my spine in two different parts and while five minutes of the procedure was a breeze, there was one minute of pure hell. When they got close to my spine for the final part, it felt like someone was stabbing me with a burning hot iron from my brain all the way down to my left foot. It was absolutely excruciating and I told myself that if this injection didn’t give me relief for a good period of time, that one minute of hell was absolutely not worth going through again.

When I got home from my injection, I felt no pain for the first time since July, which had me on cloud nine. On day two, I slept 14 hours which felt great because up until this point, I’ve only been sleeping an hour or so at a time for the past 6 months due to pain. But then on day three, I started to feel the hitch in my step return, and then a few days later my pain was completely back to normal, if not worse. So then I knew it was time to make the call to get on the schedule for surgery.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’ve got a touch of hypochondria in me. So when you add that to the fact that my mom passed away from complications due to surgery, it makes me extremely nervous for Monday. However, I know just how much I, and everyone around me, need this surgery to happen.

I truly haven’t been myself the last many months, but chronic pain will do that to you. Imagine every single step that you take for 6 months feeling like someone is literally cutting the muscle off your leg. Now also imagine that by the end of a normal workday, you’re completely hunched over barely able to get into your car and make it home. Then when you finally make it home, you’re in so much pain that you can’t sleep through the night and spend many nights sleeping on the hardwood floor just to get any sort of relief.

It has been a trying time for me, but I absolutely would have never gotten this far if it wasn’t for the love and support of everyone around me. My wife deserves all the credit in the world for supporting me when I’m not even close to being my best self. It’s definitely not easy having chronic pain, but it’s just as hard living with someone with chronic pain, so I can not truly express just how much I appreciate all the love and support she’s given me when I needed it the most. My friends and family have also been great through all this as well, but I would be remiss if I didn’t give a special shout-out to my coworkers at Hard Rock Atlantic City for their support as well. From helping to pick up boxes, getting me Starbucks so I don’t have to walk there myself, covering events that require too much walking, or just being there to talk to, I’m truly blessed to be surrounded by so many caring, supportive individuals in the workplace.

I also apologize to anyone who I may have hurt or offended over the past few months because of being distant or just not being my best self. One example that sticks out to me is that every year in October I have so many wonderful people reach out and wish me Happy Birthday (be it on Facebook, text, phone calls, etc) and every year I make it a point to thank each person individually and check-in and see how they’re doing as well. This year, I just didn’t have the strength to do that, so I’m sorry!

While I’m still very anxious about surgery, I am excited to have finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel. After a few weeks of rest and physical therapy, I look forward to slowly getting back to my old self. Thanks for listening and I’ll see you on the other side!